What Is Off Limits In a Marital Sex Life?

off-limitesThe marital sex life catches a bad rap.

So many people think that marital sex must be boring because it is with the same person for the rest of your life. I think that the monogamy is what KEEPS IT FROM being boring.

Think about it – you ARE with the same person over and over again, so you’re able to practice… over and over again. Practice makes perfect, right?

The question, “what is allowed in the marriage bed?” comes up pretty often (another reason some think that marital sex must be boring: rules!). If the Bible laid out direct laws about sex – other than infidelity, of course – this would be such an easier, black-and-white topic! Alas, it is not. That said, though, let’s start with what should absolutely NOT be allowed due to the harm it can cause:

Other people should never be a part of your intimate relationship. This particular no-no is also called “infidelity.” Jesus even went a step further and said that having lust for someone when you look at them is infidelity. That means no pornography either, guys! Adding people, having someone on the side, looking at other people having sex (on screen or off) will only damage your relationship. It destroys marriages more times than not. Trust me on this one. When my husband and I were struggling with pornography in our marriage, it only led to problems, and tore our sex life apart. This infidelity left us picking up the pieces for years and years. Don’t do it. Simply put, sex should only involve you and your spouse.

Anything that can harm you or your spouse physically or psychologically should be out, too. Physically speaking, you should never want to hurt one another. I know that some people would say that they enjoy being slapped, choked, etc., but that type of sex is demeaning and can make the other person feel uncomfortable. If something is uncomfortable or hurting you, speak up and try something else. You should never pressure your spouse or feel pressured by your spouse to do things that physically hurt. Sex that hurts will lead to less sex. Sex that hurts will lead to psychological damage.

 Speaking of the psychological aspect of sex – always make sure that whatever you and your spouse are doing is respectful and loving. Neither of you should ever feel like an object. Again – when porn was an issue in my marriage – I constantly felt objectified. Sex was only about him, and never about us. The way I thought about sex changed in a horrible way during those years. I equated sex to “doing a chore.” You and your spouse should never feel that way. You should both feel connected. You should both feel loved. Make sure that everything you do together in bed is mutual. Nothing should be one sided. When I didn’t feel connected, and things were one-sided, I hated every moment of sex. When one spouse starts to feel this way, it leads to resentment and less sex. No one wants that.

x3-fighting-for-my-marriage-facebook-10Which brings us to the bottom line: if you and your spouse are not hurting each other or adding another party, you are open to do what you would like. That is the best part! This is the part where you can explore each other without shame. Discuss what feels good and what doesn’t. Talk about what you would like to try and what your spouse would like to try. Speak to your spouse openly and honestly. This intimate part of your relationship should be a safe place where both of you can be honest and vulnerable.

After my husband and I reached a point of a healthy sexuality in our relationship, we were able to become better lovers to one another. The freedom of being able to speak and not feel rejected or objectified allowed us to have a dramatically better sex life.

Now, every couple is different, and there will be things that are okay for you and your spouse (which NEVER include infidelity or abuse) that would not be okay for me and my spouse, and vice versa. That is another awesome thing about a marital sex life. It isn’t about what everyone else does, it is about what you and your spouse do in that time together.

Your sex life is not in comparison with anyone else’s sex life.

If you and your spouse are at a loss, check out these 3 free videos from Fighting for My Marriage and Stronger Marriages for even more encouragement in your sex life and marriage in general.

Finally, don’t forget to pray about it. God is the creator of sex. He wants you to experience the full extent of enjoyment that sex brings. Marital sex does not have to be boring because of monogamy or “rules.” Make it your own. Allow yourself to relax, and just be in the moment to connect with your spouse.

Now… Go and practice!


fightingformymarriage-03Don’t give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing.

Fight For Your Marriage Today!

The post What Is Off Limits In a Marital Sex Life? appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

A Sincere Thank You To Everyone

xxxchurch-a-sincere-thank-you-to-everyoneI know this is a blog post but if I could turn it into a handwritten note I would. I want to thank you.

Whether or not you took this year’s opportunity to join My Pilgrimage, if you’re still bearing with me after going through the last month and a half with us gearing up for this experience – you certainly deserve some thanks.

This has been an exciting time for myself and for our team. The months ahead will be exciting for so many people on their journey to freedom from to pornography that has kept them in the trenches of pain and darkness for so long.

Now that this week is over, I’m going to give us both a break for a little while.

I need to shift focus from releasing My Pilgrimage to getting out on the road with the people who have begun the journey with us.

So, thanks. I appreciate you being a part of this story with us, in one way or another.

If you missed your chance, it will come around again next year and we’ll be glad to have you.

Of course, we’ve always got a ton of resources here at XXXchurch for you to use and benefit from and even though the chance to join My Pilgrimage is over for the time being, we are here like we’ve always been to help you like we always have.

Until we talk again,

Craig


Pilgrimage-logo-zoomTired of feeling like freedom from pornography or sex addiction is impossible? That it’s an endless “battle?” Check out MyPilgrimage.com and discover that freedom from addiction is possible and something you can really experience.

Start Your Pilgrimage

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Today Is Your Last Day!

xxxchurch-today-is-your-last-dayToday, we come to a crossroads. This is it. Today’s the last day you can register for My Pilgrimage.

My Pilgrimage isn’t just a recovery program.

It’s a new way of thinking and living.

I hold pretty tightly to the conviction that transformation begins with the mind.

If we can renew the way we think about sex, temptation, depression, anxiety, worry, dissatisfaction – life itself – we can change a lot.

What if you’ve been thinking about your struggles all wrong?

My Pilgrimage provides a holistic way of thinking that turns what you thought you knew completely upside down – and for the better.

It’s a new way of interacting.

If I’m right and you’ve been thinking all wrong…your mentality has had a huge impact on the way you treat yourself. I’m willing to bet you’ve been interacting with your soul in all the wrong ways, too.

My Pilgrimage shows you a better way for caring for yourself at the soul level.

It’s a new way of living.

You don’t have to live in a war zone. You don’t have to do battle with yourself every time a temptation springs to mind. You don’t have to walk in fear of seeing something that will send you spiraling out of control.

Instead, you can undertake this sacred journey and learn to walk in peace for the rest of your life.

So many people are finding a freedom they can feel.

They’re joining up for their pilgrimage and – already – they’re reading the book, they’re working the guidebook, they’re studying the videos…

and they’re waiting on you to begin encouraging one another in the small groups online.

I guess my question now is, “Don’t you want to experience that too?”

Would you like be a part of giving and receiving that encouragement with other people who believe that freedom is possible, and want to help one another get there?

You still have time to join them but that window closes today and your spot won’t last forever.

We’d love to open this up to everyone but we can’t. We only have so many groups that we can invite people into and since they’re absolutely essential on the journey to freedom, we want to make sure they’re the best – and most helpful – that they can possibly be… but that means space is limited.

Will you take advantage of the opportunity to join us on this journey before that space runs out?

My Pilgrimage closes for the year at midnight tonight.

Join the journey to freedom right now.


Pilgrimage-logo-zoomTired of feeling like freedom from pornography or sex addiction is impossible? That it’s an endless “battle?” Check out MyPilgrimage.com and discover that freedom from addiction is possible and something you can really experience.

Start Your Pilgrimage

 

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You Have Less Than 48 Hours

xxxchurch-you-have-less-than-48-hours-1Just a reminder that tomorrow will be the last day you’ll have the chance to join the My Pilgrimage experience before the registration period closes for the rest of the year.

We will be shutting the window Tuesday, at midnight.

We HAVE to close the window then because we need to make sure that we can accommodate everyone joining our small groups in the way we need to be able to – with care and attention to each and every person on this journey.

We’ll be available until 5pm EST via live chat if you have any question or concerns we can help you with.

 

Here’s what you’ll experience:

  • A new way of thinking and freedom from the shame that keeps you emotionally distant from your loved ones.
  • A new way of feeling and how to live without the crushing weight of guilt and fear that seems to choke your relationships.
  • A new way of interacting and what it’s like to move away from isolation and loneliness to be truly known by others.
  • A new way of living and the ability to break free from addiction and the despair that plagues your mind.

 

Here’s what you’ll get:

  • The Book Feels Like Redemption, where you’ll experience freedom from addiction as something more than a battle.
  • The Guidebook and a therapeutic process experience to help you walk through your struggles with pain, depression and anxiety.
  • The Video series that will help show you the root of the emotional wounds that caused you to start down the road of addiction in the first place and how to heal once and for all.
  • 12 Sessions of My Pilgrimage Small Groups Online, where you’ll discover that freedom comes through connection more than anywhere else.

 

We’ll also include over $1,000 worth of free bonus resources for your journey:

  • Bonus #1 – Four My Pilgrimage Live Sessions: Interactive Teachings from An Alaskan Experience.
  • Bonus #2 – Transforming Your Mind: Deepen Your Resolve and Expand Your Thinking with Our Entire Library.
  • Bonus #3 – My Pilgrimage Live 2017: $500 Off Your Alaska Pilgrimage Experience.
  • Bonus #4 – One Full Year of X3watch Premium: Your Best Used Tool For Internet Accountability.
  • Bonus #5 – Words For Your Journey: The Complete and Unabridged Feels Like Redemption Audiobook (as read by the author, himself).
  • Bonus #6 – The Soundtrack for Your Journey: A Private Music Playlist Curated Specifically for Travelers on the Road to Redemption.
  • Bonus #7 – We’re Better Together: Walk Alongside Other Travelers in our Private Facebook Group.

There are less than 48 hours to join the 2016 My Pilgrimage experience.

We HAVE to close the window then because we need to make sure that we can accommodate everyone joining our small groups in the way we need to be able to – with care and attention to each and every person on this journey.

We’ll have some groups that people can hop into right away but a lot more will begin in October and November as you begin to work through this experience, and we want to be ready for you.

We don’t want My Pilgrimage small groups to be “just another meeting” – we want them to be the best experience men can possibly have on their road to freedom with one another.

Do you really want to put this off until next year or until it’s too late? We’ll be available until 5pm EST via live chat if you have any question or concerns we can help you with.

Don’t put off freedom for another day!


Pilgrimage-logo-zoomTired of feeling like freedom from pornography or sex addiction is impossible? That it’s an endless “battle?” Check out MyPilgrimage.com and discover that freedom from addiction is possible and something you can really experience.

Start Your Pilgrimage

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You Can Have Real Freedom – Watch This

I want you to meet a couple of people.

First, Gabe.

I was going to tell you about him but I suppose he can do that for himself…

Check out his story about using My Pilgrimage:

 

 

“For many, many years later, [pornography addiction] plagued me. And I couldn’t seem to break free from it…I felt completely inadequate as a husband, a father and a pastor. My Pilgrimage opened me up to a new question: ‘Can I really be free? And if Jesus truly offers freedom, why don’t I have it?’ Now I’m in this place of beauty, pain and freedom all at once, as I confront the things that are going on in my life…what ends up happening is, ‘I’m finding joy there.’

I absolutely love Gabe’s story.

It means real people can discover real freedom through the My Pilgrimage experience.

And remember this video of my friend Jarred from our recent Alaska Pilgrimage?

 

 

Isn’t that amazing?

Yes, you can have freedom you can feel.

Yes, you can end the war within.

Yes, you can be true and honest with yourself, to the depths of your being.

You just have to take that first step on your pilgrimage.

It’s waiting for you but it won’t wait forever.

Register now and get immediate downloads of the Feels Like Redemption book and audiobook.

You can start your pilgrimage.

Join us on the road to true freedom.

Take this opportunity now.


Pilgrimage-logo-zoomTired of feeling like freedom from pornography or sex addiction is impossible? That it’s an endless “battle?” Check out MyPilgrimage.com and discover that freedom from addiction is possible and something you can really experience.

Start Your Pilgrimage

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Did You Miss It?

xxxchurch-did-you-miss-itI hope you feel like the Facebook Live Q&A you got to sit in on was helpful yesterday.

If you missed it, you can still watch a playback of our conversation on our Facebook feed HERE.

Based upon the feedback thus far, it seems like the dialogue left a lot of people wondering, “Maybe there is actually hope in this for me…?”

I believe that there is.

I’d love it if you joined the conversation, today.

What we don’t need is more sugar-coated lip-service paid to a problem that only gets swept under the rug.

We don’t need more pat answers that feel like laws we can’t live up to.

What we don’t need is more fear and more silence. The videos in this experience are raw, honest and unscripted.

You know, the way real life is.

The guidebooks that come with My Pilgrimage are helpful but they’re just one part of this experience. Listening in on the conversations between people that have actually experienced – or are actually experiencing – this journey to freedom…that’s the story in action.

There is so much encouragement in hearing others articulate the things that you’ve always been afraid to say – the things that finally leave you convinced that

You
are
not
alone.

Are you willing to be inspired?

Are you willing to join us in starting your own journey with conviction and resolve?

The My Pilgrimage experience is still available for just a few more days.

Get it today and start experiencing freedom right now.


Pilgrimage-logo-zoomTired of feeling like freedom from pornography or sex addiction is impossible? That it’s an endless “battle?” Check out MyPilgrimage.com and discover that freedom from addiction is possible and something you can really experience.

Start Your Pilgrimage

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We’re Live on Facebook Today!

xxxchurch-were-live-on-facebook-todayI just wanted to give you a quick heads up that I’m still planning on having a conversation about My Pilgrimage live on Facebook today with anyone who wants to join in on it – including you.

I’ll be going live today at 12 Noon Eastern Time.

Don’t forget that we’re giving away over $1,000 worth of bonus material to everyone who joins My Pilgrimage this week.

That includes an entire library of My Pilgrimage eBooks, a full year of our online accountability software, four live teaching sessions from our recent Alaska Pilgrimage, $500 off our 2017 trip for next year’s Alaskan experience and a private music playlist curated specifically for travelers on the road to redemption.

Get My Pilgrimage today while you can!


Pilgrimage-logo-zoomTired of feeling like freedom from pornography or sex addiction is impossible? That it’s an endless “battle?” Check out MyPilgrimage.com and discover that freedom from addiction is possible and something you can really experience.

Start Your Pilgrimage

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Join Us On Facebook Live

xxxchurch-join-us-on-facebook-live-1So, yesterday was crazy. I don’t know if we’ve ever gotten that much traffic to something we’ve offered in the history of XXXchurch.

That’s not a brag, but it’s pretty crazy when I think about how many people are constantly winding upon on our site looking for…

Not our site.

The internet can be a terrible place full of bad ideas and horrible temptations, I should know. It’s sort of been my job (and joy) to help as many people avoid those pitfalls for years. The fact that so many people showed up to get help is evidence that they know it, too.

But the internet can also be a place full of great ideas, inspiration, connection and encouragement.

We’re doing our part to help make it the latter. So, tomorrow, I’m hosting a Facebook Live session and inviting you all to participate in the conversation.

Bring your questions. Bring your concerns. (And please God – bring some optimism with you, too! Let’s have a conversation that’s something other than the black hole of death and negativity that Facebook is so much of the time).

My main focus, for over a decade, has been to see people freed from addiction and I feel like – even personally – My Pilgrimage helped me learn something new about what freedom even is.

I’d love to talk to you about it.

And if you’re anything like me, I think you’ll learn something new about yourself while we’re at it.

So tomorrow, hop on Facebook Live via the XXXchurch Facebook page at 12:00 PM Eastern.

If you have any questions, I’ll be asking for comments during the stream.

I’ll take anything you have to throw at me.

In the meantime… connect with via live chat and begin your own My Pilgrimage experience today.


Pilgrimage-logo-zoomTired of feeling like freedom from pornography or sex addiction is impossible? That it’s an endless “battle?” Check out MyPilgrimage.com and discover that freedom from addiction is possible and something you can really experience.

Start Your Pilgrimage

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My Pilgrimage Is Here!

xxxchurch-my-pilgrimage-is-here-1I’m not going to keep you today – just a quick and excited: It’s here!

My Pilgrimage is available right now!

Go check out here!

There are a limited number of My Pilgrimage experiences available…

We’d love to open this up forever but the truth is we just can’t. We have a limited number of resources to make sure everyone gets the best small group experience possible, so we can only keep this open for a brief window of time.

Don’t let someone else take your spot!

Register today to get everything this experience includes:

  • The My Pilgrimage book and guidebook.
  • 12 My Pilgrimage Small Group Online sessions.
  • $1,000 worth of bonus material, completely free.

And – TODAY ONLY – When you join My Pilgrimage, we’ll give you Recover: Helping Women Recover From Sexual Betrayal … FREE.

When Recover comes out next year, it’ll be the same cost as My Pilgrimage is now, so don’t miss out on your chance to get it a year early and completely free.

We’re here via live, online chat all day, waiting and willing to answer any questions you might have.

Start your My Pilgrimage experience today!

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My Pilgrimage Opens Tomorrow – And ‘Recover’ Comes With It!

sharpaotm_pil_sm02-18-reproduceOkay, so…tomorrow’s the big day.

We – myself and a small team of our guys out here in California – have been busy at work on the final touches to make sure the first (and last – at least this year) My Pilgrimage experience is everything we want it to be… and everything you need it to be.

We’re all set up and ready to go – just making sure that we can handle everyone who has been looking forward to My Pilgrimage all at once when we make the experience available tomorrow.

On that note, though, I’ve got one more thing to add: we decided to give away something extra when you join My Pilgrimage tomorrow.

We know that porn addiction doesn’t just affect the men who struggle with it. Oftentimes, women suffer the full brunt of our addictions in equally painful ways – and the relational consequences can be devastating. That said…

I’m excited to announce that – for tomorrow only – if you join My Pilgrimage, we’ll also give you a brand new experience called Recover which we’ve been developing specifically for women who are working to recover from sexual betrayal.

Recover is brand new. We’ve literally never told anyone about this resource before today (and we weren’t planning to until next year), but here’s the thing:

As a ministry, we’ve worked incredibly hard to help everyone – both men and women – work through pornography addiction, but we realize that the emphasis often lands on the guys. Up until now – for fifteen years – we’ve never had a resource available specifically for women who need help working through the kind of sexual betrayal that Recover addresses.

We are so excited to make it available to you and your loved one – for free – when you join the My Pilgrimage experience tomorrow.

Just like this journey, Recover is a fully immersive experience that includes hours of testimony and conversation between women who have been through hell and back because of their husband’s addiction to pornography, including a 11-video course series on just how your wife can walk through the same and understand her identity as beautifully and wonderfully made again.

We weren’t going to release Recover until 2017 but if you join My Pilgrimage tomorrow, we’ll give it to you before the end of the year, along with the brand new, accompanying book – Recovered By Hope – with workbook and 3 free months of our women’s Recover Small Groups Online.

When we release Recover to everyone next year, it will be the exact same price as My Pilgrimage, so if you think you, your wife or someone you both know – married or not – would benefit from something like this…

tomorrow will be your only chance to get it early… and free.

Click below to watch the official introduction to Recover: Helping Women Recover From Sexual Betrayal.

On another note, I’m planning on reaching out once more later today with a message specifically for the women who might be interested in Recover.

I hope that – for the women – you will take comfort in knowing that we love and care about you and there are others who have experienced the anxious fear of what can feel like more of a prison than a marriage or special relationship.

And I hope that – for the men – perhaps we can help you bring your desire for freedom into the light with this opportunity to love your significant other well, and love her first, and love her only.


Pilgrimage-logo-zoomTired of feeling like freedom from pornography or sex addiction is impossible? That it’s an endless “battle?” Check out MyPilgrimage.com and discover that freedom from addiction is possible and something you can really experience.

Start Your Pilgrimage

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